Women and children first

As the Titanic slipped deeper and deeper into the sea, the boats were lowered down to the B deck, where the women and children were waiting to be shepherded onto the lifeboats. One by one, they got on the boats, probably clutching their confused, groggy children, wondering if they would see their husbands, brothers, and fathers when the ordeal was done. Major Butt stood guard, gun in hand, keeping eye on the pacing men smoking cigars looking anxiously as each successive boat was filled and cast off. Some men tried to jump aboard, overcome by fear (a natural response to imminent death). One such bloke tried to make a run for it, only to be grabbed by the back of the next (so reports say) by Major Butt and thrown back on deck to wait his rightful turn to die like a man.

Needless to say, the night did not end well for most of the people on board, men, women, children or rats. But -- by Jove! -- the women and children went first. God bless chivalry. Perhaps not always valued or fully appreciated in life, the women and children were allowed to go first.

Being a woman, I can't say I wouldn't have appreciated a bit of that consideration as the Titanic married the icy waters, were I there. Who wouldn't want to be insured safe passage when things get rough? Still, we pooh-pooh the rich and those of privileged who feel entitled to special consideration and access. But we embrace the ideal that the gentler sex and the innocent children need special protections, though maybe only at the very very end of life.

During day-to-day living, children are kidnapped and forced into armies, forced to shoot their parents and strangers, to rape and be raped, to become walking bombs, little boys and little girls.
And women are calculated pawns, raped and disfigured to make a point and to shame their villages and families. But war is war. Women and children first, you know.

More recently, I have been troubled by the way the media presents the casualty statistics for the current war in Gaza. The number is, of course, saddening in and of itself, but the way the numbers are arranged is also troubling. Currently, we stand at at least 900 dead, 270 children 95 women, according to B'Tselem, an Israeli human rights organization. I've seen different numbers, some say closer to 100 women dead and around 1/4 of all the causalities children. I suppose this is to be expected, seeing as how the fighting is taking place in large urban areas where families tend to be big, the population young, and women mostly house-bound. The Israeli deaths are sometimes given (currently 3 civilians and 7 soldiers, some killed by friendly fire). But just as saddening as the violence and needless endings of their collective lives is so is the way we read these numbers, or rather, the way we read lives as numbers and do arithmetic with flesh and blood.

900:10, hmm...that seems out of proportion (as if tit-for-tat murder would make it somehow more fair or expectable). 270 children plus 95 women out of 900, leaving 535 men dead. Of these, at least some must have been armed, but some of them were probably much too old or not mentally stable enough to fight. Maybe 100 (random guess). Let's be generous to both the Israel intelligence and Hamas' desire to be a formidable armed force and say half of the remaining were 'soldiers'. That would leave us with about 218 'fair' targets, 316 civilian men (elderly and young alike) and then a few women and children to boot. Ah math and statistics, the final refuge of a mind too ashamed to face horrors.

But after all these calculations, I keep coming back to the presentation. 900 dead. 270 children and 95 women. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the heartless Israeli army and its slaughter of the poor, weak, frightened women and children! As if the men being shot at and bombed weren't equally as scared, weren't equally as likely to piss themselves or cry for their mothers while bleeding out. As if soldiers weren't equally as likely to wonder where God is when their intestines are staring back at them.

Let us not kid ourselves. All human life, male or female, young or old, Palestinian or Israeli, is equally as valuable or worthless. Still we put the women and children first. First in line for the boats, first to be held up as evidence to shame the aggressors or to horrify the international audience. While more men may die and while more women and children may be victims, the truth is that no one on any side or from any walk of life escapes war without some wounds.

It's not that I don't want people to pause and offer a hand to those segments of society who may need assistance. We should help and be helped in proportion to need. But let us never forget that all humans share the same desire to live and let live, to die peacefully, to not be shot at, to not hold a dying child, to not slip into the freezing waters. Desire for life and fear of death transcends gender, nationality, age, class, or religion.